Past Friends

OK here's my thing

Just found out another one of my 'friends' I grew up with has gotten married on Saturday - so that's now 3 weddings I have missed (OK 1 of which was my choice but looking back maybe I was a little stubborn)

Anyhow, back to what I was saying - Missing out on another friends wedding, it kind of sucks, well it actually really sucks that when I think about it I had known these people (we'll call them, um John, Marc and Jim) for better parts of 20 years...

(Should really warn you now that this blog wont have much structure, it's more of an account of what's going on in my head right now)

'John' seemed to just stop talking to me for some reason (I think it was sometime in 2006 this happened) the rumours were....
1, his wife (we'll call her Lacey) didn't like me as I stood up to her!
2, I didn't have the right 'image' to fit in with them
3, I slagged her off in some email (something I wouldn't do - people who know me, knows fine well I would say anything to their faces)
4, I used to 'ditch' them for college friends......... truth is they went out to Whitley Bay... I hated Whitley Bay, but when they went to Tynemouth/Town I was always there (or at least when invited)
5, I didn't go on holiday with them (1, I hate the heat and they were in a hot country and 2, I have a fear of flying)
6, there was a big blow out on this holiday and I ended taking up sides with Jim (which is bollocks as I told Jim and his wife to be that it had nothing to do with me, you're all my mates and I am not taking sides!)

All piss poor reasons.... Right? I remember something John said to me years ago (when Lacey threw a strop and wandered off alone - I did the right thing and acted as a chaperone just to make sure she was safe) anyways he said "We'd never fall out!"......... Never fall out, WTF! Has the past 5 years been a dream?
There is another friend in this group (we'll call him Cy) anyhow Cy passed some arsey comment to Lacey and she stopped talking to him, she forgot what the comment was but regardless she stopped talking to him! So if it is no:3 then again WTF why could shoulder me and not Cy?

Well on to Jim, OK I admit this I was a little stubborn about this - Story goes, Jim (most likely in response to John having Marc as his best man) asked me to be his best man at his wedding - I was over the moon at being asked even though I know I was only asked due to the 'spat' between Jim and John.  (Background history here, it was always me and John, Marc and Jim not the other way round)
But anyhow, I was proud I had been asked to be his best man.  Fast forward to his stag do, it was a fairly quiet night, nothing crazy (they're not the type of people to do sill dares etc) we couldn't have the groom being sober so I was feeding him Guiness and Vodka chasers (I admit I was going to get him mortal drunk, drunker than he has ever been before) So we end up back in Tynemouth and I walk into a family friend Steve (he's looked out for me ever since I started going out) and he bought Jim a drink for his night of freedom - THIS is where the night got shitty........

Jim decided that Steve (who had seen us out loads of times together in the past) was someone his father hated! Jim started getting nasty and turned from fun loving drunk into utter psycho lunatic saying Steve was an arsehole etc - Steve is someone you don't say that to as he would likely kill you but luckily for Jim, Steve was willing to let it ride for my sake! Marc managed to get Jim outside and this is where it got insane, Jim turned on me... ME the person who had been there for him, put up with him and even gave him advice on how to have a good relationship with his wife - As I was walking away Jim decided to jump on my back, I saw red and went for him...... this is where my mate Dan (who is a sound kid and glad I can count him among my friends) took a run and practically gored me away from Jim (6ft2 & 20 stone vs 5ft6 & 10 stone - if it wasn't so serious I would have found this hilarious) we left in separate taxis etc

So 5 years later I have finally calmed down and regret not talking to Jim in the days/weeks after his stag night - if I had accepted his apologies rather than letting my anger over John not talking to me, chances are I wouldn't be writing this blog now!

Jim if you're reading this; and I hope you are..... I am sorry - I know that wont change much for letting you down but I am - Also sorry for subjecting you to Marc's poor speech, you SO knew yours truly would have owned you with the best man speech :)

So onto Marc, although not going to his wedding bothered me as much as not going to the other 2 but when I found out something just clicked, like a light bulb went of in my head - 3 great friendships gone over what can be described as 'emotional stupidity' - We grew so close to let something so dumb part us all like this!

John, if you're reading this, I am sorry also... for whatever I am supposed to have done but I AM sorry.  I keep thinking about that day at school we were about 16, you had a stinker of a game for the school football team, everyone slagging you off and there was me sticking up for you.... one more wise crack short of getting my arse handed to me haha...... I still remember you telling me that you were there listening to me stick up for you - I never knew till that day you knew about it!  Truth is John, I think what I am trying to say is even though there has been a good few years of not talking, I have and always will have your back! (I so wanted to say, "I have and always will be your friend" but Spock used that in 'The Wrath of Khan')

Ideal world, the past few years to be put behind us all so we can continue with our friendship..... ALL of us - When I win the lotto, I still intend on keeping the promises I made!

Perhaps someday, we'll all be sitting together, looking back and thinking...... "Why did we all waste so much time on trivial stupid things like arguments"